The holidays are upon us...and I don't really care

Another holiday season is upon us. It's the busiest, craziest time of the year and I don't particularly enjoy it. Thanksgiving is next week, followed closely by Pricklypants and my 5th anniversary, the twins' 4th birthday, Christmas and New Year's - those are all busy, happy celebrations...those are all celebrations the twins couldn't care less about.

They do enjoy food, but not many of their foods will be found at the Thanksgiving feasts we'll be attending - they'll eat some ham, some turkey, mashed potatoes and stuffing...if there's macaroni n cheese, they might eat some of that. Meanwhile, I'll be stuffing my face with all the foods - because I love food, as does most of my family.

They've never been interested in seeing ALL the people; they don't tear open their presents; they don't even like icing on their cake. I can't put a Christmas tree up for safety reasons, any decorations have to stay out of the terrors' reach.

It's hard to get excited about Christmas, for me, because I don't get to get excited with my kids. I don't need to worry about how to break it to them that Santa's not real, because they haven't got a clue who the fat guy in the red suit is. Just like they didn't have a clue when they were 2, or last year, when they turned 3.

I don't intend to tell my kids about Santa, the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy - I don't see the magic, it's not practical to fill their heads with beliefs that won't pan out because eventually, we're going to have to go through the battle of changing those beliefs, the heartache, the meltdowns...so no, I'm not going to tell them that a magical man invades our home each year to leave behind presents. I'm not going to tell them that a magical bunny delivers eggs and candy and goodies to little ones each year.

This sounds like I'm a Scrooge, like I hate the holidays, which isn't true. I just don't have the same reasons to get excited as most people. I still love the music, the cheer, the decorations - I love all of that, and I'll keep a board on Pinterest just to see all the pretty ideas, even if I'll never actually do any of them myself. I'll start a Christmas Pandora station to get my cheesy music fix. I'll eat the baked yummies and make more peanut brittle and send virtual Christmas cheer to my friends all around the world who do get excited about the holidays.

Of course, I'll try to share the joy and all the rest of the stuff that comes with the Christmas season with my boys, but frankly, I just don't think they'll care any more this year than they did last year, despite the steps forward that they've taken (which I'll be talking about in an upcoming post - probably following parent-teacher conferences on Tuesday).

My boys are "that kid"

Wednesday, as I was dropping the twins off at school, I overheard a little boy say "I know which kid is screaming." His dad asked how he knew, and the boy replied "He's always the one who is screaming..." and I knew he was talking about my Gamble. My sweet, kind, goofy Gamble.

My kid is "that kid" - and as I stood there, trying to listen and not make it obvious that they were talking about my kid, I wanted to speak up, to explain that Gamble has autism, and transitions are hard for him to process. But I didn't, because like every other parent (except for me, apparently), he was in a hurry and I didn't want to slow him down explaining about "that kid."

Gage is to the point where he takes himself into his classroom and goes straight to the mini-trampoline. No crying, no screaming, no fuss. Gamble's not there, he makes his entrance heard, as he stomps over to the teacher's computer to watch the screensaver and calm down, screaming all the way.

Unlike most parents, I do not stop my boys to give them a hug and kiss and tell them to have a good day - I've noticed that makes the transition much harder than letting them take themselves into the classroom with no interruption.

It's easier to do with Gage, because his classroom is first, but I have to stop Gamble to make sure Gage gets into his room, and then take Gamble's coat off - and then Gamble sees the doors to the playground, wants to go there, and gets upset when I re-direct him to his classroom. I think this has a lot to do with Gage having a better transition into the classroom. I don't know how to make Gamble's transition smoother, though his teacher and aide are good at getting him calmed down once he's in the room, besides, him running in screaming lets them know he's there. I often don't even enter their classroom, just put their belongings in their cubby and go about my business - this is what the teachers have asked me to do. It's easier to transition Gamble and Gage into the classroom if we don't also have to transition them into letting me leave...








The transition at pick-up time is a little easier, but the boys get so distracted when I have to get them from the playground or their classroom - they're not done playing! It used to be a problem to take Gage into Gamble's classroom to get Gamble, but now Gage just goes off and plays with the pretend sink, trying to turn on water that isn't coming. Gamble wants to check out all of the art along the way out, and Gage must stop at the fish tank to look. The hallways of the school are so busy, between the other kids and parents, the artwork...and then sometimes we have to stop and let others pass because the hallways are so narrow.

Pick-up today was nice - both teachers told me the boys did well today, and that they're beginning to sit at circle time on their own, as well as having better transitions between activities. Gage's teacher put a mini-trampoline in the classroom to help give Gage breaks when he needs them, but said the rest of the class, of course, is excited to have it there, as well. Parent-teacher conferences are coming up next week, and I've been prepping some questions, but there's already a good amount of communication (verbal and written) so I'm hoping the 30 minutes we've got will be enough time to go over some of the things I have concerns with - like why occupational therapy isn't in their IEP and what we can do about that.

....Back to "that kid."

I've been thinking about this more and more, as we've been told that Gage is having too many incidents at school, sending kids home with scratches...and then I saw a post from another mom-page on Facebook, about how her kid came home with claw marks, crying, and how that mom was furious, sending pictures and a letter to the school - and I thought "Am I always going to be the parent on the other end of that? Are my kids going to be perceived as bullies, even though they're not being malicious?"

Parents: I get that your babies are precious gems, I get that you want to protect them - but you don't always know the whole story, and the educational system can't tell you the whole story.

They can't tell you that Gage is trying to communicate with the other children, trying to do "dots and squeezies" to help calm them so they can stop hurting his ears with their crying. They can't tell you that Gamble screams to help calm himself after transitioning from home to the car to the school and finally to his classroom. Both of the boys scream as they run into our house - Gamble opening the screen door and Gage opening the front door - teamwork, even if it's not intentional.

I'm pretty sure the school can't tell you anything to make it okay, because it's not...but the school also can't tell you that we have behavioral therapy, occupational therapy and speech therapy to try to make these things better. We're working on it, one day at a time. My thought, though, is yes, I am very sorry that my son hurt your kid - you have no idea how much I wish that we could figure it all out. He's not hurting your child because he's mean or a bully, he's hurting your child because he doesn't understand him, the situation, the action or how to communicate what he's feeling...and we're trying, every day, to help him understand all of these things.