The questions:
What is your most prized possession? I could answer this a couple of ways. I could say my iPhone, which I (for the most part) cannot function without? I could also answer, more appropriately, I think, that my mind is my most prized possession. I've always known I'm an intelligent, strong-willed person. My intelligence has been used as a weapon, but it's also been used as a security blanket.
In the first couple of years of motherhood, I began to worry that I'd lost something up there - things just weren't coming to me as quickly, or even at all, sometimes. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, and later an Arnold Chiari Malformation (herniation of the cerebellum into the spinal column - which is a very simplified version of what's going on in my head) and I went into a depression, thinking that both would continue to affect my ability to recall, to spew random facts, to be able to react quickly and efficiently to a situation as I always had.
And it did, and will most likely continue to do so, but I've also been getting some of my quickness back, some of my zest - so perhaps it was the fibro fog and the chiari crazy creeping in, or perhaps it was being a new mom to two special little boys and working a 40+ hour a week, high-stress job (37.5 officially...but there were always hours spent off the clock doing my job as a reporter).
Again, we're talking about my most prized possession here - it came down to a question of should I continue to work through the confusion, the pain, the disorientation and dizziness, with all of the extra stresses associated with newspaper reporting, and eventually completely overwhelm myself and shut down? Or should I quit my job with no real plan except to rely on the fact that my boys are autistic and we've always been a low-income (typically a single income) household, and therefore qualify for SSI?
At first, there was guilt at utilizing their SSI to be able to stay home with them, not only for their well-being, but also for my own. People questioned it, asked what we would do, how we would make it - it made me question it, as well. And it certainly hasn't been easy, but it's been entirely worth it. My mind is coming back to me, with work - exercising it by writing what I want to write, being able to have a little time to read something for pleasure, not being constantly bombarded with additional stress to my family and home life, and being home with my precious boys - that's all done wonders for bringing me back to functioning.
How do you unwind after a long day? This is a hard one, because my days are all long - I may not have a paying job, but I work from the minute I open my eyes to the minute I shut them again. Being the president and CEO of Chock Full of Au-some is a demanding, full-time job overseeing a chaotic crew that includes a probably-autistic 23-year-old man-child and 4-year-old twin terrors, as I lovingly refer to them.
My boys currently fall into the "severely autistic" category; their needs are high and near-constant. They're easy boys, though; I don't think, as a special needs mama, that I could possibly ask for better. They're typically full of joy, and wonder at even the smallest of things, and if I'm being honest, hearing their laughter at the end of the day is the best possible way for me to unwind.
Along with that, though, I need time to recharge as an adult and a writer - so I turn to Facebook and my blogs. Sometimes, I just write stuff that no one else will probably ever see, because I need to spit it out. I've been doing that for as long as I can remember.
I also read, but I hate not having enough time to devour sometimes even a sentence before I'm being called upon to do my motherly duties. I've always been difficult to tear away from a good book - ask my mother. So, rather than being a bear and getting grumpy at the constant interruptions, I've taken to only reading in the bathroom or at bedtime. Most of the time, when I'm ready to lay down, my eyes have already been drifting shut for a while and I don't have the energy to try to read.
Basically, being a mom has slowed down my brain-strengthening activities, I guess. I don't learn from seeing it in pictures, I form pictures from words on a page much better (which may be the issue in teaching the twins - I've been working on this, though!). So, to unwind, I like to work out my brain muscles.
What is one song that has followed you throughout your whole life? I've loved music since I can remember. I have a connection with it, it soothes my soul and can help me through the hard times. I can't pick just one song - every song has made an impact, I think in song lyrics half the time.
I can hear someone say something and a lyric pops into my head, and sometimes right out of my mouth. People don't always get what I'm talking about because I don't sing the lyrics - I can't carry a tune in a bucket and I'm completely tone deaf.
I have, over the years, found myself intrigued and maybe a little obsessed with certain songs, certain artists or genres, though. As a child I drifted from the pop and rock of the late 80s, to country and pop, especially boy bands, of the 90s. I've always tended to stick to what's current and popular, but I have no problems with listening to mostly anything. I've always been the one to take a step back and let others pick the music, because it doesn't really matter what it is, I can listen and appreciate it.
"I Think We're Alone Now" by Tiffany somehow became one of those songs I was obsessed with in my early teen years. My step-sister and I would listen to it over and over, we knew the words and sang it together, we bonded over that song. I haven't heard it in years, but occasionally I'll start humming it, and I can't help but smile.
I remember I shared a song with my first boyfriend, the boy I kissed on the school bus and playground, whose sister was my best friend. Every time I hear it, I remember that innocent, care-free kid love we shared, and I smile. Of course, my brain is stuck on "I Think We're Alone Now" and I know that's not it, but I just cannot think of it right now. If it comes to me, I'll come back and edit this!
During my teen years I turned to darker music, metal and punk. I dressed accordingly. The first impression I gave the boy who would later become my best friend? I was scary, dark, and totally not like most of the peppy, athletic kids, or the kids from the farms, who went to our school.
In college, I listened mostly to whatever my friends were listening to - which ranged from Christian rock to death metal and club mixes, because I didn't limit myself to one group of friends, and certainly not to one type of music, at a college that celebrated creativity and differences.
Lately I've really been enjoying Hozier (thanks to Punk Rock Papa for the suggestion, and Matt McAndrew for singing Take Me To Church on The Voice), as well Matt McAndrew's song Wasted Love. In reality, I listen to a lot of The White Stripes, Metallica, Audioslave and Rammstein because that's where Pricklypants' musical tastes lie - and the twins love the heavy metal stuff, too.
If you could give one piece of advice to new bloggers in your field, what would it be? I am a new blogger, but I can say with certainty that if you just stick with it, and don't get discouraged, you can only get better at it. The adage "Practice makes perfect" may not be true because perfection in the blogging world will never happen - and it's shouldn't, because we're all imperfect humans, and presenting perfection is presenting a falsehood. Don't expect to be the perfect blogger, don't expect to have hundreds of people hanging on your every word the first day, or week, or maybe even year that you do this, don't do it for the numbers.
I hate Facebook algorithms, but I don't stress it if no one sees my stuff. I don't need them to, not that I don't like them to see the things I'm posting - why else would I be posting it? But the numbers aren't what I'm in it for - I'm in it to maybe help someone else, maybe entertain them or make them smile, and to share our autism journey. I post what I want, when I want - because that's what it's there for, really - me.
Sometimes, when I notice that no one is seeing the things I'm putting out there, I get a little discouraged. That's probably a big reason I haven't really gotten into submitting pieces to other forums - I'm not really in the market for rejection right now. But when it's just my blog, when I'm just not putting forth the effort that I could be to get it to more people, that's not as bad as not being good enough to be published. Silly, really, considering I had 2-3 pieces published every day for nearly 3 years as a newspaper reporter - but those pieces weren't my thoughts and feelings, I didn't have anything to lose writing objectively about things going on with other people. I didn't feel judged.
So yes, my advice is to just keep writing. Write something every day, even if it is just a one-liner Facebook status update. If you don't work out the muscles, you can't hope to build them.
Now that you're famous, we need a quote from you. In everything you do, look for the balance - you can't be all good or bad, life is not black and white. Put in what you want to get out, because even if you don't get it back, at least you can say you tried.
Oh I loved Tiffany! :)
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