Does autism define our lives?

There have been several posts going around about whether or not autism defines those who are on the spectrum. I can say with certainty that it helps define each and every one of them, it helps define their caregivers and those who love them, as well. It's a part of who each and every one of us has to become to love that person, to be that person. It's intrinsically associated with the ASD'ers behaviors, their mannerisms, their outlook on life.

Does autism fully define who a person is? No. There are so many other pieces that go to that puzzle. But right now, right here, autism definitely sets the parameters for most of what goes on in our lives with the twins. It completely impacts every aspect of our day, between the sensory issues, the social issues, the learning issues. It affects our schedule, our budget, our moods, every single aspect of our lives is affected by autism.

And that's not a bad thing. It certainly isn't the end of the world. My twins aren't typical 3-year-old boys, but they're so very happy so much of the time. Yes, we have meltdowns and a lack of communication, but doesn't every 3-year-old? So what if they aren't interested in going to the park, or playing with toys - they're active, those boys don't stop moving.

Yes, I absolutely would change pieces of the puzzles that are my boys. I would give them a voice, in a heartbeat. I would give them the ability to communicate their needs, their wants, their hopes and desires and dislikes, faster than I could take a breath.

But they are who they are. It is what it is, and if I can't keep moving forward, one foot in front of the other, then my whole world stops with me, and that just can't happen. I can still focus on what my boys need my help with changing, we can work on these things, but we're going to work on them at the boys' pace, not some guideline that was made for typically developing children. Keeping that in perspective is of utmost importance for me.

I was once told that I have a great personality for autism parenting, because I can go with the flow. It isn't easy for me, though. It's a coping mechanism that I've learned, it's a skill that's been acquired. If I can do that, so can my boys.

At our play date the other day, talking to another autism family, the grandma said "Wow, you have a lot on your plate," and really, it's not any more than any other special needs family. If all those other families can do it, then I can, too, I'm sure of it - at least that's what I keep telling myself.

To be honest, I never wanted kids. They just don't make sense to me. I don't get them, I'm not a patient person, I've never really been good at teaching others. But shit happens and you move on. I made my choices, and I don't regret any of them. What good is regret, anyway?

Now I'm doing my best to raise them right, give them a happy home and a bright future and all of that sappy stuff. I, like most every other parent, just want what's best for those little monsters I played a part in creating. I want them to be happy, healthy and thriving.

We've got some work to do on thriving, but we're happy and healthy, and that's something.