Play date success

The twins had their first official play date this afternoon with a little boy who is also on the spectrum, D. I wasn't sure what to expect, as I'd never been to this house before. I was anxious, and when I get anxious, I sweat a little crazily. So I get to their house half an hour late, and I'm already a sweaty mess. Great.

D's parents and grandma were amazing. They were incredibly helpful, and never once hesitated to lend a hand. In fact, D's dad told me several times, "I've got this, go sit down..." It was refreshing! I hate when people ask if I need help...No, please, stand there and watch me as I struggle to decide which twin is in more imminent danger, thank you. Yes, grab that damn kid before he gets hurt!

I'm not ashamed to accept help, at all, but if you have to ask, when I'm obviously struggling, no, I don't really want your help. I loved that these parents just DID it. They helped me chase after my little twin whirlwinds, helped me keep them out of the kitty litter and the bedrooms they weren't welcome to enter.

D's dad had a blast tickling Gamble, he loved hearing that giggle, because it's infectious. D's parents enjoyed all the smiles and giggles and jumping. They got it, how important the boys' laughter and smiles are, because not all parents of ASD kids GET that type of interaction with their children. D's mom and I talked about how grateful we are that our kids are affectionate, not the type of ASD kids who don't want physical interaction. Gamble climbed up to sit with D's mom several times, and wanted D's grandma to pick him up, too. Gage isn't as affectionate with other people, but he came to mama for lovin' when he noticed his brother was getting attention from someone else.

I think it surprised D's parents that the twins express jealousy, but they most definitely do when it suits them. Don't get me wrong, there are times when they're completely indifferent to whether I'm giving one or the other attention, but they also get aggressive towards each other at times, when I'm only giving one attention. 

They commented on how well-behaved the boys were, how curious and vocal (vocal stims, not actual words). They asked questions because they were genuinely interested in learning about our experiences. We shared war stories. The kids had a great time, I assume, since there was minimal screaming and only one almost-incident.

I was so proud of my boys, not that I'm not always proud, but they were au-some today! They sat at the table to eat, even if they did make a mess. They listened when I asked them to do something, at least much better than they normally do. They made me feel like I'm not doing everything completely inadequately, and that's not something that I feel all the time. But my boys showed great progress today, and I realized that I was anxious for no reason at all.

R is an autism grandma, and she's beautifully involved with her D, so she GETS it. She joined our support group to get more involved in D's world. She's offered her back yard as a place to let the boys get out and stretch their legs and enjoy the mini-trampoline she has for D, but you know, when D's not there, because he gets a little possessive, his dad said.

Autism families have so many more things to consider when they're planning social interactions. It's a delicate dance, trying to figure out everyone's triggers, food preferences, communication style...balancing the emotions and the attitudes of the kids can be overwhelming. Keeping physical and emotional altercations to a minimum is hard work, especially with a group of kids who have a hard time communicating their frustrations.

At one point, Gamble toppled D's tower of blocks, so D shoved him. D's parents were busy chasing after Gage, so I sat down with Gamble and D, and I asked D if he thought shoving Gamble was a good choice. He explained that Gamble had knocked his tower down. I apologized, explained that Gamble didn't understand that would upset D, and talked to Gamble about it, as well. It was an interesting dynamic, a higher-functioning, verbal 5-year-old ASD child and my two lower-functioning, non-verbal 3 1/2 year-old ASD children, but they seemed to have a good time, even if they didn't do much actual "playing."

My twins don't play in the traditional sense of the word. They've got zero imaginative play. Their "playing" is carrying toys around, mouthing them, and hitting them against different surfaces to hear the sounds they make. Their "playing" is running a car along the wall to hear the noise. Gage "plays" by spinning objects. He gallops and jumps and turns himself upside down. They don't stack blocks, or line up their toys. They don't build things or put them in order. They never stop moving.


Did I mention how proud I was of the boys today? There was no biting, kicking, pinching or shoving from either of them today (at least not during the play date - Gage did bite Gamble's hand after we dropped daddy off at work earlier)! They did so great, being in a new space with new people and new toys and sounds and smells. Gage had a moment when he was told for the millionth time that no, he could not go into that room, but it was over before I really even had to intervene. They did excellent at regulating themselves today.

And then they fought their naps, hard. Which is why I drove daddy to work, today. Because a 40-minute nap is better than no nap at all, because when the twins get tired, they get vicious...kind of like their mama.

At any rate, I can't wait to have another play date with D. Hopefully we can get another child or two from the support group to join us next time!